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Just another sleepless night

Its 4 in the morning and I am still awake, sipping the 5th mug of coffee, thinking about you, about us and all what happened.
"No! No! No!"
This is what I keep telling myself whenever you cross my mind. But today I just couldn't stop myself.
It has been four years and few months since you broke me.
"I have moved on."
This is the lie I keep repeating since the day I decided not to think of you.
But today I failed. I failed to stop myself. I failed to control my tears, I failed to control every damn emotion of mine. And you know why I failed ? Because today is the date when you once confessed your feelings. Today is the date when you made my feel loved, when you made me feel like the most special person on earth. And because today is the damn date I couldn't forget nor I ever will. No matter how hard I try, this date brings all that overwhelming emotions back to life and I am again left with all sort of sadness, loneliness and the feeling of betrayal.
"I am strong." "I don't need you." "I ain't sad." "I hate you."
This is all what I keep reminding myself every time, every year on this date and on the one's where unfortunately you cross my mind and when I cross the paths we once did holding hands.
Ya, ya, ya, I know that you are that closed chapter of my life which I am never gonna go through again. But I can't also neglect the fact that even if I erase your chapter the marks would still remain.
You know why ?
Because unfortunately, you are my first love, and also my first heartbreak.
I have often read and heard that first love often leads to the first heartbreak, and no matter what, the first encounter with love and heartbreak remains in our heart till the end, irrespective of the number of people coming into our lives. I found this to be the most bitter truth.
No, I don't actually regret this date because once I cherished it the most. But today sitting awake with the 7th mug of coffee at 6 am, watching the sun rise and thinking about the past made my eyes wet and my heart cry.
Because today is that day of the year when I feel the weakest and also the most ruined up person on Earth.

Comments

  1. Unknown21 March 2017 at 07:29

    and as you saw the sunrise u realized it was a nightmare, your destiney has evolved.. and you are the way you are... Happy !

    ReplyDelete

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